Rape, domestic violence and teenage violence.

"It's just the way, I am being abused, he the provider, head of the house, I should try harder to cook food on time, I won't try to get a job, won’t go to school, try to keep the kids quiet, I’ll keep things real quiet, should lose weight, shouldn’t have had a kid; he really didn't want the baby. Women would say anything to blame themselves and lower their self esteem.”
Regina Lee, a good friend of mine who works at the Women Domestic Violence Center in Lake City Florida who is also a good friend of mine. She listens to women where she works. “The women seem to have a lot of emotional problem, they take medicine like anti-depressant to escape reality, They can’t cope actuality, take drugs to take away pain and hurt, to basically numb them self from their situation. One says she can't work, be a mother and run the house. They are use to living in a home where they don't work, and handle kids and housework. Therefore they are ill equipped and seem to be very irresponsible women. They seek need someone to make decision for them. And that is where the control comes from, that’s when he starts the abuses both physically and mentally. They develop low self-esteem, has little or no motivation, just cannot coop with reality, cannot live a normal life in society. Live a life that is hostile. And some women leave the relationship. They feel like, it is a way of getting attention; they leave the abuser with the same characteristics and enter the same relationship. And don't leave time to find out whom they are. And most of the time they go back to the abuser and thinking he change, he persuades them to come back and he figured out a way to manipulate them to stay. Works for him so why he would change?” Regina Lee

My thoughts, now I learn where domestic violence originates. One thing women should know is that there is no excuse to be abused. Not only in domestic situations but all other circumstances in life. No one should verbally and physically abuse you. Okay, it is the men fault that if he abuses his wife/partner both physically and mentally. But it is up to the woman to protect herself and not to allow anyone to put her down, or to hit her, and never put her own self down. Think about it, if some one knows that they can hurt you, take advantage of you, they will do it. It is up to you to protect yourself. It is up to you to take action. Cuz if you don’t, they abuse will continue and it is you that is allowing that to happen. Not only will he abuse you but ur kids also. And even ur dog or cat. So you are not only hurting yourself but you are also putting the ones you love at risk.

Teen domestic violence…..”If he calls all the time and don’t want you hanging around someone else, they are potential to be bad husbands.” Regina Lee

Not only does Violence against women start after marriage or a committed relationship but also as early as teenage years. That’s unsafe. We hear a lot about teen violence, teen rape and that’s a bad start. If you bare up with it at that early age, more them likely you will allow it to happen to you in you adult life. And again, men don’t control us. We are equals, yes they may have responsibility over us cuz they have to take care of us. And no where does it give them command to emotionally hurt you and physically hurt you.

On a serious note, a lot of parents ask about how they can be a bigger part of our lives. They feel that they r losing us as we grow. Like we are drifting further and further away from them. All that I could say is, we will always love you {our parents}. I know at times it may seem that we are ignoring you or we rather hang out with our friends’ then stay at home. You may think to your self that we love them more then you. But no, we just like to do different things. We like being around our friends because we relate to them better and we have more fun. This is probably something that a lot of parents are unaware of, but we {teenagers} do things out of home or away from our parents because we almost feel as a burden to them. We are afraid to open a conversation because we could be bothering them from their work or maybe disturbing them from their rest. We feel that parents are annoyed by us and actually want us to go away. And then we wonder why they fuss at us when we are not home often. This is my perceptions of how it is, I can not be the representative of all Teens. Only thing I can say is, if you want to know more about your Childs life, if you want to know more about what they are thinking about then just talk to them. I feel that there should be very open communication lines between parents and their children. We will talk, just make time for us and we will do the same. And it may seem that we think we know everything and we need neither help from adults nor anyone else. In factuality, it’s not true. Most of the time it is just a cover up and we are embarrassed to ask for help or somewhat scared. Let your kids know that they can talk to you about ANYTHING and that you won’t freak out or accuse them of anything, and even if they were in the wrong, let them know they can tell you. Let there be a trust. Not saying to be their friend. A mother or father are far better then any friend. They will always love you, never disown you, always think about you, always care for you, always there for, and always a part of you.

Okay, before you read this article, I don't know if teh word 'Humor' in teh title is really doing its job or the fact that this whole updates content is in a joking tone, If you are not going to take this entry as a joke, then don't read it. Didn't know something sooo trivial could lead to sooo much controversy. Would think it would be in some other Update Entries on Islam or my personal opinions. Note, this was just a something to make you laugh at. Those of you who enjoyed reading this, glad u liked it, those of you who are going to take this offense, don't, and if you still do, thats dangerous ..dunno what to telll you.
{This Update entry (UE) inspired by an article I read titled ‘Whoever wears the Diapers Rules.’}

Parents, what a large responsibility we must attend to on a day to day basis. Lets’ face it, our teen years is one of the most critical and toughest time in our life. We face many dilemmas’ concerning our future. If we make a mistake now or choose a wrong decision, it might hunt us for the rest of our lives. We are awfully unappreciated and labeled as “Ungrateful!” What?!?! Why do parents always entitle us ungrateful?? If anything, they are ungrateful towards us. They say that how they feed us and give us a place to stay and we don’t even say ‘Thank You.’ Well pardon me, isn’t that their job? When they brought us into this world, is it not their responsibility to feed us and shelter us and teach us until we can face the world on our own? Also, most of them aren’t even doing their full jobs. Our responsibility as (only) teenagers is to take what they have to offer and try to form who we will be. We don’t need their nagging and their harassment. Being a teenager is hard enough. And they say how we throw tantrums and make a scene. Please!!!!!!!! No tantrum can even COMPARE to that ‘Thing’ they do when we don’t make the good grades or don’t get into the college they wanted us to. So here are some solutions to discipline our parents. Yes, that is correct, discipline them. We have been manipulated since childhood that they are in charge or has superiority over us and will always be, but now that they are old (pass 40) ;) they are loosing their senses and it is our duty as good citizens of this society as young sane people to help these old individuals. They don't know what the real world is like. Here are just a few tips which I have come up with. Will add more when I do further analysis on this issue. Do follow and put to use.

Tip #1…..Don’t try to be friends with your parents.

A very common mistake teenagers have been doing is trying so hard to be their parents’ friends instead of showing them who is boss. By this I don’t mean you have to do what they have been doing to you during childhood by being yelling and screaming at you day and night. Instead, I suggest that you should be gentle yet firm. Limit setting is what really works. Believe it or not, my father being 45 and my mother soon to be 44, really appreciate this limitation because now they don’t feel so out of control anymore.

Tip #2…………….Take way their Credit Cards
Now what is something that all parents have revolved their lives around and would absolutely die without?? Credit cards! Well, I wouldn’t actually recommend cutting them up, as that could interfere with them paying off my car insurance for the month. So I suggest that you hide them and promise to return them back when they decide to behave better towards you and I assure you, they will behave.

Tip #3……..Don’t Negotiate
If anything out of anything that I hope you have learned from your childhood years is to not negotiate with your parents. When attempted this back in the day, they would talk you into or out of stuff by offering you something else (which in most cases was something stupid like candy). So 'no' means 'no.' Also, one more thing to be aware of, threats are very ineffective. Except for calling Child Protective Services. But that isn’t valid for your use anymore. Tell your younger siblings of it.


Tip #4……………….Working thru Tantrums
Yes, we all know how crazed lunatics are parents can be at times. All parents go thru tantrums at some point or another. The key is to know how to handle them. One thing you must remember is to remain calm. Usually tantrums are a cry for attention, and you have to reassure your parents that you love them even if they have lost all control of themselves and haven’t a clue what they are yelling about and is totally freakin you out. Tantrums are especially hard to control when you are in public places and your parents is completely embarrassing you, making you feel that you have no control over your own parents and that other teenagers are looking at you like you are a failure. Yes, I personally know how you guys feel but it is ok, I had to go thru the same scenarios before using these tips. And I can assure you one thing, those other teenagers are just as weak and pathetic as you are at making their parents behave in public. So no biggy, just learn from your mistakes and move on.

Tip #5…………………..reward good behavior.
Nothing extravagant, just simple pleasurable things that you know they like. You would be surprised how much you can help improve your relationship with your parents if you give them these little rewards. You want them to feel good about themselves so when they go into the outside world, they will not care when other teenagers are mean to them because they know that they are loved and respected by their own teenagers.

This all I have for now. Hope this helps some of you out. So you see, disciplining your parents doesn’t have to be that tough. You will soon really enjoy the fact that you as a teenager have done your role as raising respectful, happy, and well adjusted parents. Take care.

:p